Church today was so spiritually filling and I am so
grateful for the Spirit that has been with me. It has been harder and harder
for me lately with really feeling the Spirit so strongly and all the time. I've been really stressing over this because I REALLY want to be more spiritual and
be like those around me: kind, obedient, happy, and service oriented. But I always
feel like I come up short. I definitely have my weak moments; the moments when getting up to serve another sounds like way too much work and besides, why should I provide them with service when they rarely provide me with service. I try to convince myself that I want to in those moments,
but I don’t quite feel it deep down. I feel selfish, unloving, and uncaring. But I never want to be that way. I
want to be someone that others look up to and someone that others want to be
around because of my kindness and spirit. I hate when I go to church and start
feeling bored and look at the clock constantly. It bothers me that I can’t keep
my mind focused enough to pay attention and feel the spirit teaching me. I also
want to be able to have a super strong spiritual experience when I go to the
temple. I want to feel like I am worthy.
Today I was focused and I felt that Spirit. I felt the Lord’s
love and I recognized the messages He was sending me. I felt strong in the
gospel and Knowledgeable. I felt like I was spiritually on the same level as
those around me. It felt perfect.
My life might not be all together, but at least I try. The
Stake President, President Esplin, said in Sacrament Meeting, “As long as you
come to church [or other wholesome/church activities] and you TRY to feel the
spirit, the lord will bless you for your efforts.” The important thing is that you
are putting forth the effort. I realized that his words were for me because I try
and I work hard to be better, yet I always feel inadequate. It doesn't matter
if I don’t get results right away because the Lord sees me efforts and He knows
that my heart desires the most important thing on the Earth: The Gospel. I just
need to continue trying and work towards being the best person I can be.
I
realized that I just do things my own way and in my own style and that is ok. For
example, I LOVE to talk to other people and get down into deep conversations. I
love when people open up to me and feel that they can trust me with their
problems and/or secrets. I like to help others figure out their feelings and
help them solve problems in their lives. I like to listen. This is how I serve
others. It might not be baking cookies, raking leaves, or making a quilt, but
that is okay because it is how I show my love and support for those around me. I
am not inadequate. I am a Daughter of God and he will direct my path.
You are not inadequate. You are loving, kind, and thoughtful.
Even if you don’t realize this, I can promise you that others do. You have so
many wonderful gifts and talents that you share with the world on a daily
basis. Believe it or not, you are changing the world or you are changing
someone’s world. Try not to compare your weaknesses to someone else’s
strengths. Above all, Remember that God loves you. You can do no wrong.
Deuteronomy 11: 13-14
13 And it shall come to pass, if ye shall hearken diligently unto my commandments which I command you this day, to love the Lord your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul,
14 That I will give you the rain of your land in his due season, the first rain and the latter rain, that thou mayest gather in thy corn, and thy wine, and thine oil.
